I have never been biased in my judgement in other people, further, I am not the kind of person who judge easily. Think about it. I rarely judge people because of what he or she look like but I will make some comments and ever I make few interpretation, I will keep it within me until it is needed.
Back to the topic, in my country, the definition of beautiful and handsomeness would be so cliche that it is obviously influenced by the foreign movies that we had enjoyed and still enjoying. Tall, fair skin, pointed nose, closed eyes, physically fit bodies with flamboyant abs.
Admit it, most of us Filipinos agree that it is the perfect attribute a person could have. Of course aside from being tall dark and handsome.
Six fast months had passed and still, at some point of my life I can feel the insecurities of being an Asian. Don't get me wrong here. I love being an Asian, especially being a Filipino because I know that this race is special. Maybe not now but someday, this country will rise. I can see it coming.
Imagine yourself living with the people who in your definition is the perfect kind of person. Isn't it like bizarre? I asked my friend, my co worker and mind you she's a Caucasian. I asked her. Imagine living with people who you want to be, and people who you want to be with, but given your looks as of the moment. Without a doubt, looking astounded, she answered me that she's gonna kill herself.
And I said, see that? That's what I am feeling right now. I am living with people who are in my definition, handsome and pretty and I can do nothing about it. It's is so darn hard not to get envious.
And why do I feel this way? Maybe insecurities and feeling of discontentment of my own attributes. Which is my opinion not that bad. Why?
Being in this age bracket would mean that I am under the age in which I have to fulfill the developmental task of intimacy versus isolation according to Erickson. Given this emotional and psychological crises, it is not surprising that a person may question his own self before questioning others. To see if he or she is attractive enough in order to fulfill the task is common however, it is unconsciously happening.
Each day I keep reminding myself that this is freaking pointless. I should be contented with what I have in fact, I believe that I am good looking myself, a descendant of Spanish blood, I am pretty good looking compare to others but still.
And so i made in depth reflection of this feelings and to be honest it is still unresolved given that I am writing this now. I want to express the thoughts that wants to be freed from my mind. Anyways, this led me to question my definition of beauty, how it was influenced by others.
Come to think of it. Who said that being tall means superior than average or short stature? Who defined that being fair skin is better than having dark complexion or the other way around. Who ever defined that tall nose means attractive attribute compare to those who are average? The answer? No one other than but US. Human as we are, we gave meaning both operational and standard of each of these. In short, human are the one who defined beauty. They set standards way back the. That today, although, many great philosopher and good mind are trying to correct the wrong notions, it is still a hard fact, that it was already there. As I said, it is easy to paint a new face in the wall, but the fact still remains that the old design is still there.
We have this saying.. Funny it may seem. "Your beauty is not in as of this moment". Perhaps, there is truth behind that. It is only on the mind set of each of us especially me of course that it was what I wanted.
I know my limitation here. I don't play being hypocrite and say that I accept everything out of it. Yes, I know my biases and prejudices so I am brave to dissect my very own feeling regarding if this emotion. I am very confident of who I am. I know what I want but of course there are things that we can do nothing about but to accept their reality and to live with that.
I am living with this.. And I know this is just a phase. One day I'll wake up that in addition to being contented, I am fully capable of handling my very own shortcomings and frustrations in life. However, sometimes it is good that you are able to voice out whatever opinion you have in you. I have respect with all the races in this world despite these things.
First, we can't choose what race we belong to begin with, so better accept the things that you can't change. Second, feeling of insecurity is a normal phase in ones' life. That is the reason why we have dreams, aspirations ands goals in life. To overcome this insecurities. And lastly, this life is just a borrowed time. Given that time is the overseer of all things, one day we may notice that we all already about to live this world. Might as well enjoy it as long as we can...
Quoted to one of my favourite books of all times. Nothing Lasts Forever by Sidney Sheldon.
